


Hold Back The River (Let me look in your eyes)

by freckledbutt (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Dumb teens in love, Friends to Lovers, High School AU, Holiday to France, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/freckledbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean's universe seems to completely alter when Eren Jaeger comes storming into it. </p><p>Featuring New Years Eve kisses, Mummy Armin and Daddy Mikasa, Holidays to France and teenagers not knowing how to keep in it their pants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Back The River (Let me look in your eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a chapter from my main fic, He Will Be Loved, but it felt worthy of being a one shot in itself.
> 
> You DO NOT need to read my main fic to understand this!!
> 
> EDIT: I just realized I posted this as a JeanMarco fic so sorry anyone who clicked it for them. It was my instinct I'm soRRY!!!
> 
> My [tumblr](http://kaffihuss.tumblr.com//)

_**September 9 th, 2003.** _

 

“Wow! You’re amazing!” A blonde-haired, bob-cut boy gasped excitedly. I blinked at him.

 

I was sat alone on the deserted side of the small high school canteen, carefully sketching a picture of a beautiful Japanese girl stood at the other side of the room. It was the first day of my third year at that school, and I still had zero friends. To be honest, the thought of spending Year 9 alone too didn't seem so bad. But then here this guy was, stood beside me, talking to me. That's something that never happened. 

 

He was an attractive guy, but I’d use the word ‘pretty’ rather than ‘handsome’.

 

“T-thank you?” I replied, not really knowing what else to say. The boy smiled.

 

“I’m Armin. Nice to meet you!” He held out a hand to shake mine.

 

I grabbed it and shook it twice, “J-Jean, Jean Kirschtein.”

 

Armin held out a hand for me, pointing to the other side of the canteen, “Want to come and meet my friends?” I nodded. Something in my head told me it might be a good idea to finally make some more friends since Sasha and Connie.

 

Armin pulled me along towards two people sat on a four-seater table eating some form of disgusting pre-made noodles. One of them just happened to be the girl I had been sketching. A girl who’s name I honestly didn’t know, but still I’d had a useless crush on her the past couple of weeks. I blushed embarrassedly, realizing Armin had seen my drawing of her.

 

“That’s Mikasa,” He pointed at the girl and she gave an emotionless smile, if that’s even possible, and I somewhat waved at her like a primary school kid. Then he showed me to the boy that sat next to Mikasa. His eyebrows sat in a smoldering but angry position on his sun-kissed skin. His eyes were of a beautiful emerald colour, flushes of dark and light. His lips played a smirk that honestly made me weak at the knees and I was surprised I hadn’t seen him and drawn him by then.

 

“Eren.” The boy said harshly, introducing himself, “Eren Jaeger.”

 

\---

 

By divine providence, I ended up being sat next to Eren Jaeger in Geography. I gulped and shuffled around, and the whole scene felt like Bella and Edward’s terribly awkward first science lesson together – except without the whole vampire thing.

 

Our teacher was called Miss. Langnar, which I only remember because she was German and so was I. Still am, surprise surprise. Anyway, she smiled at us all in a suspiciously angelic manner before introducing herself as, guess what, Miss. Langnar.

 

After this she said, “This is obviously your second year of Geography, but you have me this year, which means a new class. So we’ll start out with some friendly introductions, okay? There is a quiz on your tables, and for this next 15 minutes, just answer the questions about your partner.”

 

Most people already knew each other; yet somehow still found the task interesting. I reached forward to get the quiz, and had a look at the questions. Eren and I still hadn’t talked.

 

Sighing, I said, “Nam- Ah wait, you already told me.”

 

He laughed but it sounded threatening rather than amused, “Come on, second one.”

 

“Favourite film?”

 

“Alien. Hate it? Hate you.”

 

I couldn’t help but chuckle, “Wow, you must have few friends if you hate people just for hating your favourite film.”

 

“Hah,” He laughed obnoxiously, and it felt like murder was coming my way, “Says the guy with _no_ friends.”

 

“Well,” I pouted, “Perhaps that’s because Alien is _my_ favourite film too.”

 

He grinned and hummed at me, “Really? I think you may have earned a friend. I love 80’s films.”

 

“I _would_ have accepted your friend request,” I replied, “But Alien came out in 1979.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_November 10 th 2003._ **

 

“Eren,” I started as he sat himself on the end of my bed, “Isn’t it a little bit unfair to come over without Mikasa and Armin.”

 

It had been 2 months since I started hanging out with the three friends. Surprisingly, I really loved it. They were all great company and made it easier for me without Connie and Sasha joined at my hip. It was sometime in summer, I didn’t like keeping track of dates. Eren made a visit out of the blue to my house. Though, this was rather unusual, as he had come alone.

 

“All you ever talk about is Mikasa, Jean,” Eren rolled his eyes and lay back on the bed, “I’m starting to think you have feelings for her.”

 

In all truth, I did have feelings for her. But those feelings were a mere crush from afar, you could call it ‘gazing’. I never actually considered being with her, doing anything romantic, platonic or…anything else with her. Ever since I’d met Eren Jaeger and gotten to actually talk to Mikasa, I had been much more fond of Eren than I had of her. I mean, that sounds really gay, but it’s the truth.

 

Mikasa was bland and quiet. And incredibly boring too. Yeah, she was gorgeous and everything- but I didn’t care for looks. Eren on the other hand was quirky. He was fun and made me laugh most of the time. His wild and almost mercurial behavior made me intrigued. I wanted to know everything about him. He was the kind of person that no matter how hard I tried to get to know him, there was always more to learn. In the end it felt like I was chasing him and that if I stopped I’d just end up at the beginning of the track again.

 

So, to wrap it up, my ‘feelings’ for Mikasa had long faded.

 

“I did like her,” I sighed, “In a kiddy-crush kind of way.”

 

Eren just raised an eyebrow.

 

“I don’t like her that way anymore.”

 

Eren smiled a big smile. Like I said, he was mercurial. I never knew what emotions he would portray next. He’d literally just gone from sounding grumpy and pissed to smiling like an idiot.

 

God, his smile was wonderful. Every time is perfect white set of teeth were revealed between his wide-set, peach pink, Cheshire cat grinning lips, his eyes illuminated. I was mature enough to admit to myself that I had constant gay thoughts about Eren. I wasn’t the kind of guy to freak out about that though. At age 13, you’re slap bang in hormones. It’s quite possibly the most normal thing ever to question your sexual orientation at that age. And I was mature enough to know that anyone who denied it was a big liar.

 

I took a big sip of iced coffee as he began speaking, “Come on, Jean,” He shuffled into an extremely sexy position, biting gently at the end of his fingertips, “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

 

I choked on my coffee and started laughing, “Goddamn Eren,”

 

He started laughing too, “What? Titanic is fantastic.”

 

“I mean, I haven’t drawn any French girls, but I can draw you if you want?”

 

He laughed, “Okay, make me look real nice.”

 

I looked at him. He lay on his side, head propped on his hand. His other arm lay casually on his hipbone. His neck and his collarbones were revealed. I could see the tanned glow of his skin. I’m pretty sure I blushed but I didn’t care anymore.

 

“You already do.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_January 27th, 2004_ **

 

"T-Thanks for having me!" Eren spurted out at my Father as he stood in the doorway with a sleeping bag and backpack of spare clothes and DVD's, "And sorry for being early!"

 

My Father smiled, "No need to be so polite, and it's fine that you're a little early. We were just about to call Jean's Mother. She lives all the way over in France, you know." He stated matter-of-factly.

 

I facepalmed. "Yeah, Jean told me. He said she looks after Jean's Grandmother." Eren explained, "Must be tricky looking after this monster when you're wife lives in another country."

 

"Eren, my god, don't conspire against me with my own Father when I'm in the same room!"

 

We laughed and I took Eren's bags, taking them to my room and going back downstairs.

 

It took 5 calls for my Mother to finally pick up. She sucked with technology so it was no surprise really.

 

"Hello, Nicole!" Father said when she answered the call - finally.

 

"Hello~" I said along with him, elongating the 'o' sound.

 

Eren awkwardly sat there waving and nodding his head.

 

"Who's the new face?" Mother gasped from the other end of the line.

 

"Hi," Eren started, "My name's Eren...I'm sleeping over for the night."

 

Mother held her mouth wide open and proceeded to grin, "Oh, Eren! Yes, Jean has spoken about you. Thank you for making friends with my little monster."

 

Eren giggled along with my Father and I slammed my face against the table, "You guys...how could you."

 

* * *

 

 

** _September 8th, 2004._ **

 

"I can't believe time has gone so fast," Eren muttered, leaning back and using his hands to keep himself sat up, "Feels like only yesterday you came and joined our trio."

 

A whole year later since meeting Eren, we were sat on the rocks by the lake, enjoying our last day of the Summer holidays before we started Year 10. The lake was our place, the one spot in the whole of Trost Eren and I could go together to spend some time alone. We weren't sure why we loved being alone together. Well, _I_ was, it was because I had feelings for him. And not crush-y ones, real, actual gay feelings. It took a whole year for me to understand and accept them, and they were now sewn to my skin. Unforgettable.

 

We had been through a lot actually. Arguments and fights, tears and heartfelt moments. We'd had too many sleepovers to count. My parents were practically his. They adored Eren as much as I did. Well, maybe not _as_ much, but a similar amount. It was weird that we'd had so many experiences together in just a year.

 

I laughed forcefully, "Yeah, but I don't think that - for me - time would have flown by so quickly if I hadn't met you."

 

"Really?" He replied.

 

"Well, yeah. 'Happiness makes time go faster'...I guess that's true for me. I love being your friend. I haven't hated a single day of it."

 

"Best friend!" He hissed, and then slammed his hand against his mouth when he realized how harsh he'd sounded, "You're my... _best friend_. I don't hate it either."

 

I sighed, happily, "Hey, what do you think would have happened if Armin never brought me to your table."

 

He raised an eyebrow, "I'd have still sat next to you in Geography, and become your friend then."

 

"What if...we were put in different classes?"

 

"Jean, god," He laughed and turned to me, "Then we'd have accidentally bumped into each other in the corridor. If we weren't in the same school, we'd meet in College. If we weren't in the same damned country we'd still meet, Jean. I don't think many people can end up as close as we are unless it was meant to happen. I was meant to drag you out of your black hole of loneliness, and you were meant to be here when I get too angry or upset."

 

I smiled. He was basically saying we were destined for each other. As much as that made me happy, it made me sad equally as much. He was saying we were destined to be together, sure, but he meant as _friends_.

 

 

* * *

 

**_December 31 st, 2005._ **

 

On the tip of my tongue landed a delicate droplet of pure white snow. I watched Eren contently, the way he smiled at the flakes falling from the sky, spinning around with all his strength just to feel his surroundings. The entire pathway to the hotel was completely covered in snow, heaped up foot atop foot. We were gifted a delicious gush of warmth as soon as we entered the hotel doors.

 

I stood, awkwardly, by the entrance as Eren went to check-in. It was nice to be with Eren. Christmas had passed, and we wanted to spend some of the holiday alone together. Eren and I couldn’t afford anything spectacular, so we found ourselves in a small hotel in the North of Trost. It was a nice trip to take before we finished our final few terms in High school.

 

Finally, Eren walked back over to me and excitedly handed me the key. We ran with our excessively large backpacks like children towards the hotel room. Eren had a strange need to unpack our bags and fill every shelf and cupboard he could, almost like he was trying to make it feel like home.

 

There was only one bed in the room, thankfully a double one. Eren was a wriggler.

 

“So,” He began, throwing of his jacket and boots, plopping himself flat on the bed, “Waddya wanna watch?”

 

“Hmmm,” I thought, “Home Alone?”

 

He snorted loudly, “I don’t want to succumb to crap.”

 

Gasping, I replied, “Crap?! It’s a classic! Come on, Eren, get in with the Christmas spirit!”

 

Eventually, I persuaded Eren to watch Home Alone with me. I’d luckily remembered to pack it in my bag. The Television in the room was a decent side, and perfectly in view from the bed. Eren and I got comfy under the duvet, cans of beer around us – ready to be opened.

 

"Wow, we're nearly 16 Jean." Eren muttered, lying back onto the bed.

 

"I know, right. This years gone so fast."

 

He furrowed his eyebrows and sighed, "I wonder where we'll be in 10...20... _30_ years from now."

 

I ended up lying down next to him, looking up at the textured ceiling as if each shape carved into it were stars or planets or galaxies, "I think that's we'd still be best friends, even then. And we'd take stupid trips to hotels every New Years Eve."

 

He smiled and turned onto his side, facing me. I did the same, but ended up so close to him that my nose almost brushed against his, "Yeah, I think so too." He replied, "I bet we'll be single still, and Mikasa and Armin will laugh at us."

 

I laughed at this, and didn't bother moving away when our noses finally touched, "You mean we'll be 45-year-old virgins?"

 

He snorted and buried his face near my collarbone, in the crook of my neck, "Yeah. Something like that. Not that we'll care."

 

"We won't care?"

 

He stopped laughing and shook his head, speaking with a softer voice, "No, we won't. Because we'll be best friends and that will be more important to us."

 

"True." I responded. It wasn't true though. I would care...I would care that we were still _just friends_.

 

That thought was like a migraine.

 

\---

 

The beers were drunk one by one, films watched one after the other. Time passed quickly but not wastefully; we had loads of fun. From tickle fights to drunk blabbering, everything in that hotel room on the 31st of December was stored in a place of my mind where only the best memories were allowed.

 

At some point in time where the sky showed no indication as to whether it was night or morning, all the alcohol had been consumed. Some fireworks set off in the distance, lightly popping to my satisfaction. Eren and I hobbled over to the big windows at the side of the room. We were very high up, the entire of Trost could be seen. At the highest point in the universe, the world underneath us, our heads held high.

 

In the beauty of youth, Eren grinned properly for the first time that winter. And despite his usual melancholy attitude towards December, he really seemed happy. I only wished it was because of me.

 

Unable to resist temptation, I pulled Eren into my arms. He didn’t resist me either. Somehow, It felt like he knew exactly what I was doing, because as I moved my hands down to his waist, his eyes fluttered shut. Underneath the moonlight and the fireworks, I kissed Eren Jaeger and he kissed me back. The taste of his lips against mine was wonderful, the feeling of them pressed against mine felt so natural and so…perfect.

 

Eren yawned as I pulled away, smiling gently afterwards. He buried his head in my chest and let me carry him to the bed. It didn’t take long at all for the both of us to fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

**_January 1 st, 2006_ **

 

The next morning, I awoke to the noise of Eren singing terribly in the shower. Laughing, I pulled on some jeans and a jumper. I smiled waiting for him. I pictured his face as he came out of the bathroom, jumping and blushing, running into my arms and telling me he wanted to kiss me again.

 

The small volcano in the pit of my stomach finally exploded and I knew - so well that it was sewn to my skin - that I had fallen for Eren.

 

The water finally turned off, and I gulped nervously. There was some distant shuffling from behind the door for only a short moment before a wet-haired, clothed Eren emerged from the bathroom.

 

Everything I had imagined was torn to shreds.

 

“Hey,” He smiled casually, and walked over to the dresser to start combing at his hair.

 

“H-Hi.” I replied.

 

“Wanna go down for breakfast in 10? The hotel restaurant is doing full English, haven’t had one in a while.”

 

My heart sunk and I remembered something haunting about the night before. He was drunk. He didn’t remember.

 

With a final ‘okay’, we just packed up our bags and left the hotel room. To him, nothing ever happened. To him, even one shred of memory would have just been thought as a weird dream. To him, I was still just his best friend.

 

It made me feel sick to the marrow of my bones.

 

* * *

 

 

**_February 2 nd, 2006_ **

 

“Screw this, screw exams, screw GCSE’s and screw school-”

 

“Eren, please, it’s not even a bad part.” I told him.

 

“But Jean, it’s a bad _play_ , and all parts in a bad _play_ are bad _parts_!”

 

Eren held out his script, which read ‘The Tempest’ across the front. Admittedly, I hated that play, but I had to study it for two years and so Eren was hardly suffering by just acting it for a few months. He was a good actor. I’d seen him play Mickey in _Blood Brothers_ and it brought me to tears watching it.

 

“Ariel is a cool character, Eren. He is a spirit, what’s cooler than that?”

 

“Um, how about _Caliban_ , the deformed slave, that sounds pretty cool. I mean, listen _Cursed be I that did so! All the charms_ _of Sycorax, toads, beetles, bats, light on you!_ I want to say those words!”

 

“Eren, remember what your drama teacher said, the acting industry is tough. You get what you’re given and you take all opportunities!”

 

He pouted and slammed his feet on the floor like a child. This was the one GCSE exam he was looking forward too, and now it was his official least favourite.

 

“Eren, come on. I’ve seen how good you are at acting, and I know you hate the role and the play, but you make it better. This is your chance to shine! Change the character and make Ariel be the one the audience remember the most. I know you can do that. And then when you’re graded A* come back to me and I’ll say ‘I told you so’.”

 

He sighed and flopped onto the bed with me, lying down and resting his head on my thigh in a way that sent shivers down my spine. I patted his hair, which felt softer and lighter than it had ever felt before.

 

“I just wish we were doing Romeo + Juliet.”

 

“I know,” I empathized, and stroked his hair. He shut his eyes and let me twirl strands of his dark curls around my finger. Eren was just being grumpy, but I still wanted to care for him when he wasn’t smiling. It hurt my heart to touch him and remember the kiss on New Years Eve.

 

It hurt knowing that I was so close and so far at the same time.

 

“ _I know_.” I repeated, and closed my eyes with him, feeling like we were in the same universe, but in complete other worlds.

 

* * *

 

 

** _**_ February 15th, 2006. _ ** _ **

 

It was the coldest February I had ever felt. The air bit at my skin as if ice crystals were trying to eat me. The bags under my eyes were getting even bigger thanks to fucking GCSE revision. Seriously, why would the government make education so stressful for teenagers?

 

Eren had told me he was late and couldn’t meet me at the usual waiting spot by the corner shop. I felt groggy enough as it was, but walking alone just made my day worse. Upon entering the school campus, I was hit with so much fatigue and general lethargy.

 

Ever since New Years Eve in 2005, and my forgotten kiss with Eren, time had moved so slowly that a simple month felt like a lifetime. I hated myself for loving him, and I hated him for being so breathtaking.

 

Almost slipping on the ice about 8000 times, I finally made it to the entrance. Armin stood by the door.

 

“Good Morning, Jean!” he smiled.

 

“Eugh.” I replied.

 

Chuckling at me, he patted my shoulder and said, “I know, I know. You’re exhausted. The studying will be worth it in the end. Unless…”

 

“Unless?”

 

“You’re just grumpy because no girls have given you any Valentines chocolate.”

 

I laughed in response, “Yeah? I’m devastated, honestly.”

 

“Ha, knew it.” He replied.

 

“I don’t trust chocolate given by random girls anyway, Armin. What if its cheap crap? Anyway, have you got any love interests?”

 

We neared the lockers, “Nah. No girls give V-day gifts to gay guys. And the one guy I like is already taken. His girlfriend is terrifying! Wouldn’t dare go near her.”

 

Armin talked some more, but I decided not to listen. Obviously, this was nothing personal to Armin…I just couldn’t process it. He probably knew I didn’t really care, but he talked anyway because he enjoyed it.

 

I pushed the key into the slot on my locker and jumped as a little note fell out.

 

“Got it.” Armin stated as he caught the little off-white piece and handed it me, “Revision notes?”

 

“Er…no. I don’t think so.”

 

I opened the paper (it was folded terribly in half), and read the words:

 

_**Jean, meet me at the lake. Now.** _

 

I’d recognize that handwriting anywhere.

 

“Eren,” I said to Armin, “He wants me to meet him. But why?”

 

Armin shrugged his shoulders, “You never know with Jaeger. I say go for it. It’s not everyday he leaves notes in peoples lockers.”

 

“Yeah,” I said, laughing nervously, “Screw school anyway.”

 

I earned a couple of questioning looks leaving school campus just as school was about to begin, but I ignored them as usual. I made an exception for Mikasa though, and offered her a small motionless wave as she passed.

 

The walk to the lake took just 10 minutes from school, down a quick route that wasn’t really meant to be a path but seemed fairly accessible. This lack of access stopped people in Trost ever going to the lake, therefore Eren and I went when we needed some quiet time, either together or alone.

 

Finally, I made it through the forest-y path, and found myself in the open. Unsurprisingly, Eren was sat on the rocks next to the water. I walked over to him without saying anything. The ice had just cracked, and water was seeping through.

 

“I wanted to hate you when I first met you.” Eren said, his voice so monotonous that I couldn’t tell where he was going at all, “But I knew after just 10 minutes that it would never happen.”

 

“I never thought you hated m-”

 

“And after that, I really, really, really came to like you, you know? I’m so grateful that we met. I think sometimes: what if I never became friends with you? Just…I don’t know. It makes me sad to think about that.”

 

“Eren-”

 

“God, lately I have been going crazy, Jean,” He finally turned to me but his bright blue-green eyes were wet with tears, “I’m so sorry. I’m so disgusting. I’m in love with you.”

 

I felt my heart stop. I didn’t know what or how to think. He looked cold, weak and shattered, like shards of glass against hard tile floor. I decided to just walk over to him and wrap my arms around him gently.

  
I was bony and lanky with sharp features and a skinny body, but when I touched Eren I became so weak at the knees and my body just softened around him. It was so out of character, but I just loved Eren, and he loved me.

 

“You know, I kissed you on New Years Eve,” He said, “But you were drunk and you forgot.”

 

I buried my face in his shoulder and stroked against his back gently. In the end, I couldn’t help but laugh. Not harsh, but breath-taken and wispy.

 

“You’re an idiot.” I muttered in his ear, “I can still taste your lips even now.”

 

“What?”

 

Pressing my forehead against his, “I know I kissed you, and I’d love to kiss you again.”

 

He smiled, and I wiped some of his tears away, “Yeah,” He said as he moved forward, “I’d like that too.”

 

When he pressed his lips against mine, I felt tears falling out my eyes. For the first time in forever, the tears were happy tears. Neither of us knew how to kiss properly, and so it was just like the first time.

 

Fireworks in our hearts, shaking breaths and need for more.

 

As I kissed him, I thought that it wouldn’t be so bad an idea to give up breathing if it meant I could die kissing him. I wanted to savour the sweet taste of his lips, his smell of morning showers coffee. He warmed me up where a scarf and coat didn’t warm.

 

I didn’t think cold would bother me anymore if I could just kiss Eren.

 

\---

 

“Wanna skip school today?” He asked me, his hand awkwardly slipped in mine.

 

“Mmm, yeah, would be nice.” I replied squeezing his fingers, “But what do we say if we get questioned by our form tutor?”

 

He shrugged and let out a breathy laugh, “That we were to busy eating each others faces out.”

 

“Eren! Oh my god!” I blushed, but ended up laughing along with him, leaning my head onto his shoulder as if it were a pillow. He hated being shorter than me, but I like it a lot. I wanted to be on big spoon duty.

 

He pecked a small kiss on my cheek, “I think…I’m gonna like this.”

 

\---

  

Upon returning home that night, my Father found Eren and I snuggled up on the sofa with the fire blazing beside us, duvet half fallen off us, hair tangled, and fingers intertwined.

 

* * *

 

 

**_February 27 th, 2006._ **

 

**_February 27 th, 2006._ **

 

“Jean?” Father called from downstairs, forcing me to unplug my headphones. It wasn’t anytime near dinner, only 5pm to be exact, and Eren had just gone home after a study session. I shrugged and went downstairs anyway.

 

“Yeah?” I replied, swinging round the banister and hopping off the bottom stair, landing on the cold floor in my bare feet.

 

“You don’t have to, but I’d like to talk to you.” He said, while smiling.

 

Out of pure curiosity, I sat opposite him on the dining room table, “Everything okay?” I asked politely.

 

Grinning, he replied, “Of course. I just want to ask you about Eren.”

 

“W-What about him?”

 

He chuckled and his nose wrinkled a little at the top, the corners of his eyes too. He was getting old.

 

“Are you and Eren dating?”

 

I didn’t know what to reply. I don’t know if it was fear, my nerves, embarrassment, awkwardness…but something drove me to ignore him and go back upstairs. I took a few breaths when I sat back on my bed. Nothing was official, we weren’t ‘boyfriends’, and we hadn’t been on ‘dates’ - but undoubtedly, we both had feelings for each other.

 

I plugged back in my headphones, and carried on lying there and gazing out the window.

 

\---

 

There was knocking at my door. The time was 7pm on that same night. My ears hurt from listening to the same songs on repeat for so long.

 

“Jean, dinner is ready.”

 

The grumbling in my stomach sat me up and walked me over to the door, but I didn’t open it, and neither did my father.

 

“Before you come out or run away again, I will say what I wanted to say from here.”

 

Keeping my lips sealed, I listened to him.

 

“Eren is a wonderful boy, Jean. I can see that. He’s a really good friend to you, so are Armin and Mikasa. A few years ago your mother and I could have sworn you were depressed, but ever since you and Eren got close, your spirit came back, and we saw you smile so much more. We care so much about you Jean, and smiling shows us your doing ok. There is nothing more important to us than that. Just two weeks ago, I found you and Eren cuddled up in the living room. You were smiling then, Jean, and you were asleep! I don’t care who you date, Jean, because that's up to you to decide. But if you are with Eren, I’ll be so glad, because I know you’re safe, comfortable, and happy. Jean, we love you, and if you love Eren then so be it, nothing has changed.”

 

I choked on my tears as they streamed down my cheeks, making my skin all puffy. I wiped them away, and prodded my skin to hide the evidence. My lips felt swollen, but when I moved my fingers to touch them, I noticed that they were pulled into a smile.

 

* * *

 

**_ March 26th, 2006. _ **

 

“What do you want for your birthday?” I asked Eren as we sat in my room, squished up together on a plastic desk chair, just finishing up with some shitty chemistry revision about fractional distillation or some shit like that.

 

He thought for a moment, and then smiled.

 

“Take me somewhere.”

 

Raising an eyebrow, I replied, “Like?”

 

“Like…a _date_ , Jean.”

 

“Really? A date on your _birthday?_ ”

 

We hadn’t yet been on a date. In fact, nothing was really official between us. Dad knew, unfortunately for us, but other than that we hadn’t told anyone. Not even Armin or Mikasa.

 

I didn’t understand what couples did on a date, or how they worked, or where they went, but the idea didn’t seem so bad.

 

“Yes, love. Being with you is better than any present.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_March 30 th, 2006._ **

 

“Happy Birthday!” I shouted, and let my hands go from covering his eyes.

 

The clouds had cleared a bit outside. It was quite busy because of such good weather, yet somehow the voices around us were still blurs.

 

And then Eren’s voice was…really loud.

 

“The Zoo, Jean?! The fucking _Zoo?!_ ”

 

I giggled and grabbed his hand, “Come on, everyone loves the zoo. And shush with your effing, there are kiddies about.”

 

“Damn it,” He cursed, “I should have known we were at the zoo, it stinks of lion shit.”

 

“Oh Eren,” I sighed while holding back laughter, “We’re in the hippo enclosure.”

 

I heard his teeth grind together, but they pulled into a big beautiful smile.

 

“Ok. Fine. Let’s have a date.”

 

“Yes!” I cried.

 

“Shut up,” He joked, “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

 

\---

 

 “LOOK JEAN OH MY GOD LOOK!”

 

“EREN I AM LOOKING JESUS CHILL MAN!”

  
  
“THE TIGER IS LITERALLY CLIMBING THAT POLE!”

  
  
“I CAN SEE!”

 

“I LOVE THIS!”

 

I laughed at him, but I don’t think he heard. His face was pressed up against the glass of the enclosure, smiling as Xīwàng the tiger grabbed her lunch and pulled it back down the pole.  He was reluctant to admit it, but he actually loved the date more than even _I’d_ expected. Even when we ordered ‘Llama Llunches’ at the restaurant, consisting of _top-notch_ chicken nuggets and fries, he’d still smiled (well, I hadn’t, but I didn’t dare complain on his birthday). Even when the waitress brought out a small cake saying Happy Birthday on top. Even when we ate a slice and it tasted more like llama poop.   I had to give kudos to my father though, after all, he was the only who’d said, _‘Hey, why don’t you take Eren to the Zoo for his 16 th?’_ I’d originally been confused as to why, but gave up on thinking about it as soon as I noticed just how Eren’s face lit up throughout the entire day.  

 

* * *

 

 

**_April 7 th, 2006._ **

 

“Okay, this is from all of us,” Armin told me, and handed me the red package, terribly wrapped (clearly by Eren), “It had to be a shared gift.”

 

“Thanks you guys.” I said while a smile. Mikasa shrugged, Armin grinned, and Eren licked his lips (Don’t ask, it was a habit of his).

 

Inside the wrapper was a small blue box. A label was tied to itI lifted the lid and pulled out two little sheets of paper.

 

The first one was a ticket reading:

 

_ Brittany Ferries,  _

_ Plymouth to Roscoff, _

_ 21st April 2006 _

In confusion, I read the other; it was a leaflet this time.

 

_ Hotel Le Diana, Carnac, Bretagne. _

“Oh my god.” I said.

 

“ _Bien ou mal?_ Yay or nay ?”   “Yay, oh god, _bien bien!_ Good. Amazing. Yes. Good god, you guys, you bought me a holiday to _Brittany?!_ _Bretagne. Breizh._ Oh my god.”  

 

They laughed, Mikasa just smiling, but that was enough. They sat down at the table with me and Armin patted my shoulder.

 

“It was Eren’s idea. We’re all going. And your Mother said you can go visit her at some point.”

 

“Thank you, God, Thank you. _Eren_ , I took you to the _zoo_ and you give me all this!”

 

He pulled a pouty smile, twisting to the side a little, “Hey, the zoo was great.”

 

“God, when my father comes home tomorrow he’s going to be so shocked to hear this.”

 

“He knows, you arse, he helped us pay for it.” Eren chuckled.

 

“Thank you so much you guys.” I said for the final time, trying so hard not to cry.

 

I was going to see my mother again!

 

I was going on holiday…with Eren!!

 

“No problem,” Armin replied.

 

Mikasa shrugged and smiled-ish.

 

“Happy Birthday, Jean.” Eren muttered gently.

 

\---

 

I lay in bed, my music on full blast, singing along to the lyrics to keep myself busy. I kept glancing over to that little blue box on my desk, smiling every time as if I was glad it wasn’t a dream. It was a little lonely not having my Father home on my 16th birthday, but it wasn’t so bad.

 

I’d see him the next day.

 

One of my songs came to an end, and only then did I notice knocking at the door.

 

With an annoyed sigh, I got out of bed and walked to the front door. I didn’t think I’d find Eren Jaeger at the other side when I opened it.

 

“Back for more?” I joked.

 

“Pretty much,” He laughed, and held out a small bouquet of beautiful white roses, “Let’s just make a promise _not_ to laugh at Eren for holding out a bouquet of roses as a more romantic alternative for a birthday gift.”

 

I pulled him inside my door and kissed him, laughing at the same time. He didn’t really mind though. God, he was so magical. Just breathing his air sent me to an early grave.

 

I shut the door behind us and pushed him up against the wall to kiss him some more.

 

“I think I like you, Jean.”

 

Laughing, I nodded and pressed my forehead against his for the thousandth time, “Yeah. I think you mentioned that before actually.”

 

“Happy Birthday, Jean.” He whispered.

 

Kissing him, I offered, “You can stay the night if you want?”

 

“Hmmm, I might take you up on that.”

 

\---

 

“Wait, Eren, ah-” I moaned into his neck. He carried on kissing me, trailing his lips down my chest and stomach, nearing an area even _he_ hadn’t explored yet.

 

“Hey, Jean, we’re both 16 now.”

 

“And?” I shivered.

 

“We’re both… _legal_ …now. If you wanna?”

 

I let a breath escape my lips and my knees started shaking. I felt weak with him on top of me, in a good way. Never before had I let Eren beat me, or lead me, or overpower me in any way. But at that moment, with his lips making lightening shoot throughout my body, I wanted nothing other than his control.

 

“Y-yeah, I do. I’d like to. I like you a lot, Eren. I really do.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_April 21 st, 2006._ **

 

“See Jean,” Eren said while he patted my back, easing me as I threw up, “I told you to just eat something small on the ferry. But no, you go ahead and cook a full English breakfast.”

 

I coughed a final time before wiping my mouth with tissues, “I didn’t know I was seasick. Plus, I hate eating breakfast if it’s not my own.”

 

“The food on here is nice! Its just croissants!”

 

“Ugh,” I grimaced, “Bad croissants.”

 

He laughed and gave me some mints and mouthwash to…make my mouth taste less like barf.

 

We left the ferry toilets, and returned back to the cinema on board. Yes, a cinema, on a fucking ferry. Eren had told me it was due to the 6 hour journey needing entertainment, but it still seemed bizarre.

 

He managed to persuade me to eat some crackers (which tasted like sandpaper), though admittedly they did good. I drank my water in sips for the rest of the film.

 

\---

 

“Cheese!” Armin shouted, snapping a picture of Eren, Mikasa and I. I frowned instead, which was good enough for them.

 

Eren looked at me and smirked, “Let’s take a photo together…with that boat over there in the background.”

 

Armin volunteered to take on of us (as per usual), stepping back but this time pulling Mikasa with him. I pulled Eren towards me, so that he was leaning back on my chest, and hung my arm over his shoulder. His neck was damp with sweat, and the hot air forced his hair to stick up in places it never did, and his heart was beating fast. I pulled him close against my body, so I could feel all his curves and muscles and shapes.

 

He smiled back at me, and then towards the camera, and I did too. This time, it was a proper smile. Just seconds later, Eren pulled away from me and squealed, “Look, Jean! You can see land now! That’s Roscoff!”

 

I chuckled and grabbed his hand, hiding it between us where neither Mikasa nor Armin would see. I wondered how much longer we were going to keep hidden.

 

* * *

 

 

**_April 22 nd, 2006._ **

 

We arrived at the hotel around dinnertime because the taxi took ages to get from Roscoff to Carnac, and the traffic was pretty horrendous. We checked in at the desk, me being on French speaking duty, Eren and Mikasa getting bags, and Armin picking up some leaflets about attractions in the area.

 

“Okay,” He’d said as we stood outside the hotel rooms, “There are two rooms. I’m sharing with Mikasa, ‘nothing can go wrong with two gays of opposite gender in a bed,’ he’d said.”

 

We all chuckled, but then me and Eren looked at each other and snorted in realization.

 

“Nah. Nothing could. Same with two straight guys.” Eren joked, but Armin and Mikasa agreed thinking he was serious.

 

Inside the room were piles of towels and some coffee and tea, a few biscuits and a kettle. There were spare pillows, and free slippers. An assortment of free body washes and shampoos, soaps and toothpaste. And in the mini-fridge were some yoghurts. Eren was already packing his freebies into his suitcase.

 

We all unpacked our shit into the cupboards, and set out for dinner.

 

The warm evening sun was setting over the waters, creating a beautiful line of orange from the horizon all the way to the sand. We walked along theboulevard, and wandered around the shopping districts for somewhere that offered something vegetarian for Armin, and something decent quality for me. The restaurant was named _La Potiniere_ , and Armin literally sat down and squealed over the (really sexy) waiters. Eren and I composed ourselves. We _were_ straight after all. Pft.

 

The spaghetti carbonara I ate was good for the most part, cooked properly with egg and everything, however I was reluctant to admit it. They’d know I was just being stubborn anyway.

 

On the way back to _Le Diana_ we stopped for some ice cream at some place called Yogurt Breizh. It was really nice to have something cold in the heat - but I was too distracted by the way Eren would lick at his vanilla with a dumb smoulder and look me hard in the eye when doing so to even care about the taste of my own. He probably knew I’d not let him get away with the wicked torture; I just had to wait until we returned to the hotel.

 

He was _not_ prepared for what was coming.

 

In a good way.

 

Good for _us_ …maybe not for the hotel beds.

 

* * *

 

 

**_ April 25th, 2006. _ **

 

“What’s on today’s agenda?” Eren asked with early morning enthusiasm.

 

“ _Quiberon_. It’s a little strip of land…joint to Carnac. I showed it you on the map yesterday. I think it’s a few miles away, so we’re going to take a bus. And then there are a bunch of small beaches; my Grandpa said they’re really empty. So this time you can swim, Jean. Then after that, we’ll find a restaurant there.”

 

I nodded with Mikasa, but Eren laughed.

 

“It’s 38 degrees more than 3 hours away from midday with no clouds at all, Jean’s going in the sea whether he’s all alone or the entirety of China is sat watching. He’ll frazzle and spontaneously combust otherwise.”

 

He earned himself a prod in the ribs.

 

\---

 

The sand one the small beaches of Quiberon were golden. Eren was right, the sky had no cloud in sight. Across the water, you could see Carnac to the left, and sea to the horizon on the right. On the other side of the strip of land, if you looked out there was another island not so far away called _Belle-Île_. By 1pm, it got to 41 degrees, and as a person that lived in England all their life, 41 degrees may have been as hot as a bonfire. IT WAS FUCKING APRIL.

 

In an instant, Armin removed his shirt and lay down on a towel with sunglasses and a pink cap, held out a bottle of suncream to Mikasa, and asked her to help him put some on.

 

Eren pretty much turned limp and flopped face-first onto the sand, hopping back up at light speed after realizing how hot it was. I removed a flip-flop and pressed my foot against the ground to see, and my god, it _was_ fucking hot.

 

“Armin!” I cried, “I need _shade!_ ”

 

He laughed, “Sorry, there’s no escaping. I only packed towels, suncream, drinks, spare clothes and sandwiches.”

 

Mikasa snorted at this, pulling her hair into a rare ponytail and removing her damned red scarf for once in her life, “Armin, you’re that classic over-packing Englishman aren’t you. Pretty sure every French person I’ve seen has brought nothing but a towel.”

 

Armin laughed, “Maybe I am.”

 

\---

 

10 minutes later and neither Eren nor I could bare the heat.

 

“We’re going in the sea.”

 

I sighed, “ _You’re_ going in the sea.”

 

“Jean, there is no one else on this beach, and what the hell do you have to be ashamed of?!”

 

“My body,” I stated, “Duh.”

 

He laughed out of pure disbelief, “It can’t be that bad. ‘Gives me boners faster than I can work out 1 + 1.”

 

“EREN!” I swatted him.

  
  
“Look, even Mikasa has her top off, I mean sure she has a bikini top on but still. Love, it’s _Mikasa_ we’re talking about.”

 

I glared at him hard. He glared back. It was like we were trying to decipher each other’s thoughts, yet neither of us were really thinking anything. It was just a glaring contest because the both of us were too stubborn to give in to each other. I didn’t want to go topless, and he wanted me to.

 

Eventually, he sighed (loudly) and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt. I knew, by his facial expression exactly what he was doing.

 

He pulled up his shirt slowly, revealing a dark trail of hair from his navel, and a beautiful tanned set of abs. His chest glistened; sweat dripping down from his neck. He unscrewed the lid of his water bottle, and stood up to take a drink from it, letting some water fall out the corner of his mouth and drip down across his chest and stomach. He threw the bottle next to his towel and turned around, flexing his back muscles before winking at me and running to the sea.

 

“Fuck you!” I shouted loudly, loud enough for Armin to hear from over near the rocks. I stood up and brushed some sand off my white skinny jeans, made of fucking cotton (not a good choice when there’s a nice big lump going on). Two girls walked past me with their dog and snickered. That was it.

 

I pulled off my shirt and gasped when the heat hit me, shimmied out of my trousers and ran towards the sea after Eren.

 

He was stood waiting in the shallows of the water, trying to adjust to the temperature, so I made sure to approach him silently.

 

At full power, I pushed him forward and he fell face first into the cold water. I burst into fits of evil laughter as he lifted himself out of the water, dripping wet and shivering.

 

“You son of a bitch.” He said with a grin, and grabbed my arm to pull me down with him. I gave in and laughed as I fell on top of him.

 

The water was icy, but still better than the sun’s death rays. I wrapped my arms around Eren to warm myself up a bit, though it was more like I was wrestling him – not that wrestling was a bad idea, he deserved it. He giggled and buried his nose in the crook of my neck.

 

“ _You’re_ the son of a bitch, Eren Jaeger.”

 

“My mother is no bitch!” He laughed. Of course, Eren would reply with that. Jeez, he was so predictable, “Jean, aw you have a boner, it’s jabbing into my leg.”

 

“B-bastard, why d’you think I ran here, ‘had to look at your ugly damn face to go soft again.”

 

“Hmmm, really,” He raised an eyebrow, “Then, honey, soften up a bit, feel’s like a piece of bloody reinforced concrete.”

 

I choked, “Oh you’re in for it now.”

 

Forcefully, I dunked him under the water and he flailed about trying to escape.

 

After he’d received all the dunks I deemed necessary, I pulled him up out of the water and kissed him before he could speak. He froze in place for a moment, though relaxing a little after a second and kissing me back. His hand met my cheek and we deepened the kiss, wet lips and not enough air, hot shoulders and shivering bodies. The sound of planes and waves surrounded us and I melted into him while I could. I decided that that kiss would be the thing I remembered the most in our holiday.

 

\---

 

“I’m cold.” I told him and stood up, “I’m going to lie down for a bit.”

 

He smiled and kissed me gently against my jaw, “Kay, I’ll swim for a bit longer then come join you.”

 

I nodded and walked out of the water, instantly warming and drying as the sun met my skin again.

 

I lay down on the beach towel and took a sip of water before putting my sunnies back on and, stupid me, I forgot to put suncream on.

 

Footsteps neared me and I smiled and sat up about to say something sassy, but it turned out to be Armin rather than the dumb guy named Eren who remained sploshing around in the sea like he was a fish.

 

“Mind if I sit?” Armin asked me, already placing his arse beside me before I even answered.

 

“’Course. Did Mikasa get too boring?” I joked.

 

He chuckled in response, “Pft, _never_. I just wanted to ask you something.”

 

“Uh oh, what have I done? If it’s that glass that I broke and hid I swear I’ll pay you back-”

 

“No!” He laughed, covering his mouth like the action made him moral or something, “I was going to ask about you and Eren.”

 

“Wha…What about us?”

 

“Well I heard some noises the other night when I went to get a glass of water at like…midnight? I guess I just assumed it was my head, you know? Everyone’s senses go a bit funky in the night.” I didn’t quite know about the funky senses, but I knew exactly what noises he heard, “You and him have been very…intimate. Like, I already know you’re close, but you’ve been overly close these last couple of days.”

 

“Well, um-” I began, but he shushed me.

 

“And before I heard you shouting and decided to see what was going on. You were just chasing him, so I went back to reading my book, but only a minute later I look up and you’re making out with him like you’re in a damned teen romance film.”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh at this, which was unexpected of me, because usually I’d deny the accusations in an instant. I wasn’t ashamed, though, and it’s hardly like I’d have been able to erase his memory, “Y-Yeah. ‘Guess we got carried away.” I coughed.

 

“Jean, is Eren your boyfriend?”

 

Well, I sure hadn’t heard that word before. And come to think of it, we hadn’t added labels to our relationship, heck, we hadn’t even called it a relationship. We’d just kissed away our feelings for each other and known that we were where we wanted to be. Sure, we’d had a ‘date’, and we were ‘together’, but I’d never thought about the word ‘boyfriend’.

 

“Boyfriends…well, I guess we are?”

 

He bit his lip and blinked a bit, “That’s adorable.”

 

I snorted and rolled onto my side in laughter, hiccupping on the floor in a way that looked more like I was about to have a hernia than a pure fit of giggles, “Trust you to say that, Arlert. You’re like my fucking Mum sometimes.”

 

“I won’t even deny that, Jean. It's true – you’re not my friends, you're my children. Wait, ew that’s gross, _non-related_ children even.”

 

We both jumped a little at the sound of Mikasa laughing from by the rocks.

 

“Oops, looks like _Dad’s_ overheard.” Armin grinned.

 

I smiled back at him, and then lay back down and didn’t even care when the sun blinded my eyes. I felt too happy to care.

 

“Oh and Jean?” He said, “I expect the money back for that glass by the end of the month.”

 

\---

 

“God, Jean, would you fucking stay still,” Eren ordered me.

 

I shuffled around on the bed, “It hurts, goddamn it. Stop touching me!”

 

“I have to put the lotion on you or it’ll hurt even more!”

 

I groaned into the pillow and let him squeeze more lotion onto his hands.

 

 _(After-sun_ lotion, may I add, for you dirty minded buggers.)

 

“Jean, your back is raw, god, how could you forget _sun-cream_?! You’re insane. Shit, I’m dating a mad-man.” He spoke to himself.

 

“You didn’t put any on!” I replied.

 

“I know, but I don’t burn. I tan. My parents are Turkish, love.”

 

I chose not to reply, and put up with with the ice-cold sting of after-sun being rubbed all over my burned body. _When my skin returns to normal_ , I thought, _I’m murdering him in revenge_.

 

“Hey Eren,” I asked when he finished, sitting up and stretching hesitantly as if my skin would tare apart.

 

“Hmm?” He replied and turned to me, his nose bashing into mine when he did so, “Ouch. What is it?”

 

“Will you be…my boyfriend?”

 

I expected him to say _You idiot, we already are. Why else would I be fucking you?!_

 

But no, he blushed a little, his tanned cheeks tinted rose as much as they could.

 

“Y-Yeah. I’d…like that.”

 

I pressed my lips on his and held back the rivers in my eyes that felt lie they were about to spill, “Me too.” I replied, “Let’s be boyfriends.”

 

He smiled against my lips too, happiness dwelling in his emerald eyes, “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

 

We both lay down and tucked ourselves into bed, it was late and we were exhausted. His lips found the crook of my neck and he melted against me again, it was the place he liked the most. The clock on the wall ticked, minutes sounding like seconds. In a state of dreams and the final wisps of being awake floating around me, I swore I heard the word ‘boyfriend’ being spoken. But I’ll never know if it was in my head, or if Eren said the words himself.

 

Either way, the words still sounded warmer than the heat any sun in any galaxy could offer.

 

* * *

 

 

**_April 27 th, 2006._ **

 

“ _Jean!_ Baby, _mon fils bien-aimé.”_ Mother held me in her arms, so tight that I almost suffocated, and muttered random words in both French and English.

 

Eren and I had taken a train to her house from Carnac, it lasted an hour and we were both a little tired. Armin and Mikasa had stayed at the hotel to give me some time alone with my mother, but yet insisted I brought Eren with me.

 

When I questioned them about why he should come, they’d said, _‘No reason._ ’

 

And with a raise of my eyebrow Armin finally muttered, _‘Don’t you think you should tell your Mother about you and him, if your Father knows, shouldn’t your Mother know too?’_

 

I thought about it, and realized that maybe I should, especially considering he and I were…boyfriends. My Father was a little more modern than my mother, though, so it worried me that she might not react how he did.

 

“Hello, Maman, I’ve missed you.” I replied to her, patting her shoulder a little so she’d release me.

 

“Goodness, you’ve grown up so much, you’re so tall, and thin!” She cried, “Are you eating enough, son?!”

 

I chuckled to myself as Eren stepped forward, “He sure does, eats 2,500 calories a day, good food too, his metabolism is just crazy, so is his height.” He held out a hand for Mother to shake, “Nice to finally meet you in person, Mrs. Kirschtein.”

 

Of course my Mother didn’t accept his hand, and pulled him in for a hug instead, kissing both his cheeks and grinning, “Gosh, you look and sound so different in real life than you do on _the skype_ , very handsome.” I face palmed and covered my cheeks, which had turned bright crimson.

 

“No, no.” He told her, “Not as attractive as Jean, he definitely takes after you.

 

I groaned in embarrassment at the both of them, and Mother swatted him in the arm, “Aren’t you a charmer! Anyway, come inside for lunch, but be quieter as my Mother is asleep, the beast cannot awaken.”

 

We all settled around a glass dining room table, with biscuits, sweet breads and cake. There was a pretty bouquet of roses in the centre of a table and a pot of coffee beside it. Eren handed her a Brittany cake that we’d bought her from a gift shop in Carnac, and she sliced it up and gave us both pieces along with plenty of the other sweets on the table.

 

“So, how has your holiday been? How is school? How is your Father doing?”

 

She asked question after question after question and her words were like white noise. The cycle kept going, Eren smiling along as he piled food into his mouth and complimented it. Me replying ‘Fine, Fine, Fine, Fine’ at everything she asked as I sipped away at coffee to keep me awake.

 

“-and your Father was telling me all about you and your friends, especially you Eren.” I decided I’d listen to this part, “He said Mikasa is strong and looks after you, that Armin is like…your mentor. That he’s there to help when you’re upset. But he mumbled on and on and _on_ about you, Eren.”

 

Eren coughed a bit, “Really?”

 

She nodded, “He says you make Jean smile a lot, and that you always stay over and keep Jean company when Carsten works overnight. He said you help Jean study and you help him do his jobs.”

 

“I really…I’m not that great.” Eren tried to persuade her, but she wasn’t having any of it.

 

“No, let me thank you for being such a good friend to Jean.”

 

I furrowed my eyebrows and Eren was looking at me from the corner of my eyes, Mother sat smiling and the only noise I could hear was Eren shuffling around in his seat.

 

“ _Maman_ ,” I said, in more of a whimper than anything else, “Eren is my _boyfriend_.”

 

 ---

 

We left when the sky turned dark. Mother tried to get us to stay; perhaps she was lonely after having only Grandmother as company. She probably missed my Father. I made sure to kiss her goodbye, and Eren did too. She smiled, genuinely.

 

“Goodbye, dears,” She paused, “Are you sure you can’t stay?”

 

I shook my head, “No, sorry. We have to get to Roscoff for 7am tomorrow. Want me to call you when I get home.”

 

I shivered in the cold and Eren grabbed my hand, pulling it into his pocket and lacing his fingers around mine.

 

“Okay. Well, you stay safe, boys. Make sure to treat each other well, and be good to each other. Don’t let people tell you that you can’t be together, and remember I am really happy for you.” She said, her words muffled by sobs.

 

“Stay well, Maman.”

 

“Look after your Father, Jean.”

 

“Goodbye Mrs. Kirschtein.”

 

“It’s Nicole, and goodbye Eren.”

 

“Okay Nicole, Goodbye.”

 

“Look after Jean for me.”

  

“ _Maman!_ ”

 

“I will do.”

 

“Goodbye!”

 

“Goodbye.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_5 th June, 2006._ **

 

Thunder and lightening could be seen and heard, and the sound of waves crashing surrounded us. Some people in Eren’s class walked around on stage with panicked faces. Some good, some terrible. They managed the pull off the shipwreck scene okay. 

 

Miranda and Prospero had a conversation that lasted years, like I said, the Tempest is boring as hell, and then finally I nudged my Father so he’d know that Eren was coming on. I crossed my fingers and practically prayed for him. He'd worked so hard, and I trusted he'd do well and achieve his A* like I'd told him he would back in February.

 

When he did, the sound of flutes played in the background, and he almost danced on stage, being as beautiful, lightweight and airy as possible. He was dressed in an aquamarine cape, and a cyan shirt. His face was painted with blues and greens and golds on his eyes as if he was a magical creature of the elements, which he was. Armin smiled; proud of how he’d done Eren’s make-up. His hair was loose and wispy, and glitter coated his neck and jawline.

 

I listened to the words more than I’d ever listened to them before. I’d read this play, and gotten an A studying it, but it felt so much more magical to see it being preformed. The boy I liked was becoming a whole other person, a whole other creature, and mesmerizing the audience in a way I’d never seen him do before.

 

“ _My Ariel, chick,_ _that is thy charge: then to the elements_ _be free, and fare thou well!_ _”_ Prospero had said, and then Eren pulled off his cape and reached out to the audience with a smile and eyes that looked so happy to be free again. He twirled in another dance-like move and floated to the back of the stage, becoming a part of the blues and the greens in the scenery.

 

Then Prospero finished his final monologue, and snapped his staff earning a gasp and a cheer from the crowd, and all the characters came to bow in their groups.

 

The boatswains, then Trinculo and Caliban and Stephano, Miranda and Prospero, Ferdinand, a bunch of others, and then Eren and his fellow spirits.

 

The secondary spirits like Iris bowed first, and then let Eren bow alone. And when he did, the crowd cheered so loudly for him.

 

I had never felt so proud in my life.

 

* * *

 

 

**_ 25th August, 2006. _ **

 

I held the envelope in my hand.

 

Father patted my shoulder and Mother waited patiently on the other end of skype.

 

“Come on, I know you’ve done well.” Father said.

 

I peeled open the envelope slowly, and pulled out the off-white sheet from inside.

 

“Okay,” I began, “English A*.”

 

“Yes! I knew you could do it!”

 

“Well done, Jean boy.” Mother cried.

 

With a sigh I carried on, “Oh god, I’m saving Maths and Chemistry for last. French A, Art A* and Religion A.”

 

(By the way, I got an E in Science, and a fucking _N_ in maths. Clap, clap, Jean boy.)

 

Father pulled me into a proud hug and muttered all sorts of praises to me. Mum complained that I could have gotten an A* in French, but I just laughed and she told me she was so proud.

 

My phone started vibrating in my pocket and so I pulled it out and answered, “Hello?”

 

“Jean!” Eren cried, and I instantly put him on speaker, “I got an A* in drama!”

 

I burst out laughing and he laughed too. Father and Mother looked slightly confused, “I told you so.” I said.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment! I love your comments.
> 
> Even if it's a hate comment, I'll still treasure it.
> 
> You don't understand my love for comments.
> 
> My [tumblr](http://kaffihuss.tumblr.com//)


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